Justice For Families

E was born should have been a thrill
but you sent me to asylum and i wasnt even ill
that wasnt enough so off id go
to an assessment centre to please you so

treated like an animal then told to leave
and my baby taken from me with no reprieve
my uncle dead wasnt allowed to say goodbye
the pain is still there it still makes me cry

back to community E into care
i couldnt cope cos my baby wasnt there
back to asylum to prove im sane
then e returned to my care again

that wasnt enough back to asylum for me
for months this time though no clinical need
one day theres a light and im set free
from institutions to reality

everything was going well
despite the cloud of adoption hell
then came the call that tore me apart
and ripped my soul and tore my heart

id lost my boys
id hardly see
my worled caved in around me

i was distressed i was distraught
was scared to ask for help but knew i ought
i asked for help for the sake of my son
now my worlds fell apart cos he has gone

and i dont know if ill get him back
its really hard not to completely crack
but i have to fight until the end
though i know my heart will never mend

i know i cannot hold you
your no longer my little man
i cannot kiss or hold you
like your foster mommy can
i cannot let my eyes light up
at the mention of your name
i know i cannot hold you
but i love you all the same

forever ill wait for brighter days
ill fight for you all year round
until you my little boy lost
become my little boy found

my home is my prison
my circumstances my torture
social services my guards

my experience to others......nothing!
to me ................................everything!

no release date for me
just constant court hearings
constant orders
constant expectations

not allowed to feel HURT, ANGER, SORROW
it would mean im unstable
that im a risk to my son

IT MEANS I AM HUMAN

cant you see my pain
going over things time and time again
how can i be a good mom
when you undermine everything ive done

how can i be me
when you speak such blasphemy
open and honest? you do not speak
and not knowing the truth goes on week after week

what is it that you have in store?
breaking me down till i cant take no more?
and i carry this stress all on my own
while others dictate from their comfy throne

do you think i am a muppet?
for 18 months ive been your puppet
im so tired of this constant strain
going round in circles time and time again

i thought this was sposed to be social care
when it comes to caring your never there

I'm feeling it, keep your head up.

if i had my children to raise again
id finger paint more and point the finger less
id do less correcting and more connecting
id take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes
i would care to know less andknow to care more
id take more hikes and fly more kites
id stop playing serious and seriously play
id run through more fields and gaze at more stars
id do more hugging and less tugging
i would be firm less often and affirm more
id build self esteem first and the house later
id teach less about the love of power and more about the power of love

these are just some extracts from a book ive started writing for my children x

these are just some extracts from a book ive started writing for my children x

thats what i dont get they have told me should i require respite care if im in for my son it doesnt exist yet they pay foster carers 400 a week and give them respite wouldnt it be cheaper to leave him at home with me
have just had my 2 hrs of contact with him

i sit here and think of you
how much you'll never know
i feel my world is ending
and i dont want to let you go
i hope and pray you come home
to be with me again
and only then can we be free
of this crucifying pain
so now i have to let you go
and though we're far apart
you may not be with me in person
but you're forever in my heart
today will be the last time
we see each other for a while
although our hearts are broken
we have to try and smile
theres so many things i want to say
things i want you to know
and the most important one
is that i love you so
my heart wont beat the same again
until you're back where you belong
although we can't be together
you will always be " MY SON "