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am I too picky?

This forum is for asking questions about your own case. Please do not use any real names here for yourself or your children.

am I too picky?

Postby TC » Sat Feb 06, 2010 9:20 am

This is sort of an update but lots of questionss....

The social worker tried to lay into me yesterday for the following:
1) Friday afternoon contact. I brought my son a pair of track suit bottoms, a shirt and a jumper to change into. I told my son, put these on and I will repair your school uniform- the shirt he was wearing was missing buttons and the hems on the trousers had been split for over two weeks. I know that when my son was taken I sent him with three trousers, 6 shirts and 3 school jumpers. The social worker complained 'why are you taking your son's clothes- I could just speak to the foster carer and she can fix them'. I said, well, she has had over two weeks and as per your own contact notes, she hates doing washing, so repairing clothes for an 8 year old boy would also be outside her list of acceptable activity so I will do it'.

2) I also when they were busy took my son's PE kit-which again I had provided. I have monitored this and it has not been washed since September- without the blood stains, it looks like the photos of Baby P's clothing! I fully intend to show these to the court.

Am I being unreasonable about the above? Why is my child in foster care when the SS admit my son is from a 'too middle class home and the mother provides clear, consistent and stable parenting'? The SS say the foster care provides 'good enough standards'- 'just because they are not to your high standards doesn't make her unfit'.


I have been sent a letter by the SS stating that the foster carer's 'approval' is up for review. Could I provide my views of how she has been looking after my child.....how should I respond to this?

Yesterday, my parents got a phone call off the SS. The SS are saying that because we are refusing to agree the threshold criteria, it will impact on the assessement of them as 'temporary' kinship carers for my son. The SS are still saying their plan is 'rehabilitation to parents'. Fortunataly my parents have seen this for what it is- they could not blackmail us into agreeing their threshold so are now trrying it on my parents.

My parents have already spent £6K just being here to be of support and get our boy out of foster care. (remember they have come from abroad) They came on the basis that the SS promised they would have have him by Feb 10th- now they are saying maybe april.

The fight about the threshold criteria is that:
1) because of our political activism, we have placed our son at risk of significant sexual harms.
2) 2) Because of MY polictical views and epression of these, my son has suffered SIGNIFICANT emotional harm in my care.

The SS want us to admit these points- we are refusing.

Opinions?
TC
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby keepittoggether » Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:12 am

With regard to point 1 - I expect they are actually worried that you might be planning to grab him and run - why else would you take his uniform (they won't have the brains to figure out that if you snatched him you wouldn't send him to school!)

Re: point 2 - how do you plan to prove to the court that the PE kit was like that when you took it? You could have taken it and dragged it through the mud - you have no reliable chain of evidence.

Re your parents - it is not up to them to agree the threshold on your behalf - they should try to maintain a neutral position along the lines of "we are not here to debate the state of our daughter's parenting we are merely here to help and support the boy
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby TC » Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:31 am

With regard to the PE kit....the school have said i privided it and have said she doesn't look after 'hygeine' like I do. (The class teacher put it in 'notes@

My parents are here stating 'it is all about the child- we do believe they are good parents, but will step in if the courts have a different view'

I have shown the state of my son to the social workers/contact workers- they have just said, 'she ticks the boes'- they have admitted to me they would not let her look after their dog/cat but the LA says she is appoved.

TC
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby mac1 » Sat Feb 06, 2010 1:32 pm

formal complaint about the foster carer to the la and if the foster carer is privatly employed, to their employer. Accuse the foster carer of neglect, cruelty, abuse and misconduct. Show the evidence you have. Complain about the social worker supporting the significant harm the child is experiencing. Oppose the renewal of the ico.
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby UKSecretCourt1 » Sun Feb 07, 2010 3:24 pm

That's the difference between a mother, and an "employee" ie foster carer.

Once cares above and beyond "duty".

The foster carer doesn't, as she gets the cash either way.

the SS should be noting all this. I hope it helps you.
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby parentfodder » Sun Feb 07, 2010 5:29 pm

This is just incredible.

The families being persecuted parents and children alike, are so stoic, reasonable and honest.

I know there is no choice, because if a parent shows outrage at this state of affairs, the finger will point at the outrage.

And they advertise for foster carers whilst this sort of thing is going on, big campaigns across TV and local papers, bemoaning lack of resources.

Lack of basic intellect and morality resources, I can perceive.
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby TC » Sun Feb 07, 2010 8:58 pm

Thanks for the responses- I will be sending back my evaluation of the foster carer in a frank, non emotive, factual manner.

What has made my final decision about this was the closing statement of the Judge on Feb 1, 2010:

‘O deserves to know the truth- why he is being kept from his parents. The person who loves him the most and unconditionally will not bow to threats. O deserves to be with the person who will teach him how to have principles and stand up for the truth to be told’. (he was staring at me the whole time)

Sometimes when I can't sleep or have 'issues' to sort out in my head, I write them down. I did this the other night. Once I can edit it so as not to identify any parties...shall I post it? (I am sure many parents here will relate to my thoughts and feelings)
Thanks for all the support from this forum.
TC and Silent_Me and Stinky (and our older children, The Queen and Stinkfest the First)
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby TC » Sun Feb 07, 2010 9:25 pm

Here goes people......

E
I have attempted to be as tolerant and constructive as I can be under these trying circumstances- both with regard to you, your constant changing of solicitors and the Guardian. However, you today challenged not O's appearance but my attitude about it. It was made quite clear that Mrs J does not provide the standard of care that in par with mine.

Examples:
1) O has been walking around with improperly tailored trousers for over two weeks. I have been tolerant. But enough is enough. That is why ensured my son had proper fitting clothing today. I have ensured my son has a proper uniform for school come Monday morning as the school and contact supervisors will see Monday- I took the action I did to ensure that he is properly 'presented' as per our family standards. (once again, you state 'she is approved' yet all evidence shows she is not 'able to meet middle a class level of standards and her standards are what we call filth and is disgusting'- but you are claiming, by having standards and hygiene we are bad parents- (it is part of our culture that how one presents themselves is a part of their character)


2) You have admitted you have lied/mislead my child on many occasions. Did you realise my sons’ PE kit ( which presents as a Baby P picture for the courts without the blood)- has not been washed once- since Sept 2009- I took them today and like a hostage photographed it...you really think clothing not washing for 6 months is ok-= and then you want to lay into me? I kept records of the school bag and the fact that I am the only person who ensures homework is done- which the school have confirmed via his home/school diary)

3) As per your demands I attend XXXXX without fail every Thursday at 2pm. Ms. A has said they have no letters to ask about my problems but they know I will do anything to get my boy back. I have provided 2 authorisation letters for the XXXX assessments of me to be disclosed which again you have reported to the court I have not given and are using as ‘evidence’ of my ‘unc-operative nature’. (I quizzed A B who has made clear that I don't need XXXX, I don't even qualify for treatment from them).................A has written to you on three occasions and you have failed to allow his statements to be presented to the courts. At my last appointment at XXXX, I spoke to a mother who claimed that she is addicted to methedone and heroin but your department have classed her as a ‘good potential parent with no parenting concerns’; while she was expressing that she hopes that by the time the baby is born she is able to achieve ‘level one recovery- I will only need the drugs every other day'- and she is 5 months pregnant at present. My GP has also told me that he has made referrals to your department which you have ignored about mothers in her circumstances and has told you pointedly that there is no problem with my parenting in his view.

4) You have admitted to me that as a mother you would not tolerate the standard of care Mrs. J provides, if it was one of your own children placed in her care. It is our understanding that Mrs. J suitability as a foster carer is up for renewal in the next 4 weeks. We have had a letter from S J (apparently her ‘manager’) asking for our views of her standard of care. Do you REALLY want me to express these with evidence?

5) You have failed to take on board any of our concerns- the number of items that we provide our son that have ‘disappeared’ would fill a page of A4. You fail to acknowledge that Mrs J grandson who is 16 and has been permanently expelled from school is not only a risk factor to our son but also demonstrates poor role modelling. And isn’t it interesting that all of my son’s belongings started going missing when Mrs. J stopped providing her Grandson with ‘pocket money’- three days before Christmas; and on Christmas Eve my son’s PSP, games, clothing etc went missing. And that my son spent Christmas Eve on the streets with a group of teenagers who encouraged him to get drunk- to which Mrs. J punished my child but did not chastise her own grandson who was apparently the ring leader of the group.

6) You have claimed our contact with our son must be closely monitored and not in places that other children could be present because you claim my husband poses a risk to children. So why at the Y Recreation Centre in a room that overlooks a girls gymnastic class- have you seen my husband slobbering over them? Have you seen him even staring or getting a hard on? NO! So once again, you are self contradicting- You are telling the court that you are unclear if Father poses a sexual risk to children so contact has to be closely monitored at only selective venues....and then YOU arrange it for a venue that in theory could be a peadophiles wet dream.
7) You have tried to demand that I be breathalysed 30 minutes before I am allowed to see my child. The courts have told you, this is not only unnecessary but a breach of Articles 6 and 8 of the Human Rights Act.

I am very sorry that you don’t like that I have a) highlighted the failings of Child Protection in the UK on a wide scale b) provided the Ombudsman sufficient evidence of your own department’s shortcomings that now require independent investigation of your conduct c) am known for my views and that I don’t come out with ‘sound bites’- I evidence my statements in the media. Those are not grounds to keep a child from his parents.

As Judge N directed on Feb 1, 2010, ‘O deserves to know the truth- why he is being kept from his parents. The person who loves him the most and unconditionally will not bow to threats. O deserves to be with the person who will teach him how to have principles and stand up for the truth to be told’. (and as you know he was staring at me the whole time)

I suggest you re-examine your own principles and conscience.
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby Secrets » Sun Feb 07, 2010 10:38 pm

And buy some Persil washing powder. :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby keepittoggether » Sun Feb 07, 2010 11:01 pm

TC,

I believe the correct expression is "erection" rather than "hard on" which has overtones of teenage giddiness!!!!!!


On a serious note - I have re-read my initial post and it appears a bit stark, possibly harsh. I am sorry about this, I support you all the way but sometimes am not so good at expressing that (a bit like yourself and the hard on). LOL.
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby celophis » Sun Feb 07, 2010 11:09 pm

foster carers approval is up for review why,are the ss haveing concerns,sounds like it to me,
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby TC » Sun Feb 07, 2010 11:13 pm

No apparently she hates doing washing, doesn't own an iron and with her 7 pets and her 3 nights a week Bingo (where my child is dumped with 'who/whatever') it just doesn't fit into her 'lifestyle'.

FFS....I was a full time mum with three kids, with a full time Senior Management position, but always made sure my kids all were well feed, clean, homework done, church, youth club, each got individual attention and time, spotless home, etc- and a single mother. (ok I admit, once a month for 3 years I pulled a 'sickie' to catch up on sleep and 'de-compress' but my PA and I planned it so it would have no impact on my job performance or the company- and my Board of Directors didn't care)

And now my oldest is at King's College Oxford and oldest son looking to be a Structural Engineer and study at Loughborough.

Sorry, but I think I deserve a little bit of 'go girl' instead of this crap.

TC
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby cptntacredi » Sun Feb 07, 2010 11:35 pm

I don't think a letter to the bozzo underling SW is the answer.

A letter should go to the Chief Excecutive of the council and Director of SS.

If there is evidence of harm an EPO against the SS should be considered.

There is also a Malfeasance in Office action if neglect or malice has enough evidence.
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Re: am I too picky?

Postby Andrew » Mon Feb 08, 2010 9:03 am

Typical control freaks.

GL
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